Every few weeks someone new appears in the back of my Grape Jammers class, sitting a little straighter than the parents and clapping slightly behind the beat. It is almost always a visiting grandparent, in town for the week, and they are having the best morning of anyone in the room.
Afterward they ask me the same question, and there is usually a little worry underneath it: what can I send them? I live four states away. And what I have learned from answering it for years is that the grandparents asking are not really shopping. They are trying to work out how to stay part of an ordinary week they are not physically in. So this is my honest list of musical gifts for grandchildren, written with that particular problem in mind. And if you will be there in person on Christmas morning, I also wrote a list of Christmas gifts for grandchildren that parents are glad to see under the tree.
What a Long-Distance Grandparent Is Actually Buying
The thing that gets lost in gift guides is that you are not buying an object. You are buying a reason to be in touch that does not depend on the child being old enough to hold a conversation.
That matters more than the medium you use. A study of 48 families spread between one and 2,700 miles apart looked at grandparents and infants on video chat during the pandemic, and what predicted a baby’s positive mood was not whether the visit was on a screen or in the same room. It was how tuned in the grandparent was to the baby in front of them.
QUICK SCIENCE: In that study, infants’ positive affect during grandparent time was predicted by grandparent sensitivity, and not by the modality of the visit or the distance between the families. Researchers are careful with a sample this size, so I would not read it as proof of anything sweeping. But it does suggest that a grandparent who is paying close attention is doing the real work, wherever they happen to be sitting. (Roche et al., 2022)
I find that genuinely reassuring, and I pass it on to every worried grandparent who asks. You are not a lesser version of a grandparent because you are far away. What you need is something to be attentive with, and a song does that job better than almost anything.
The Musical Gifts for Grandchildren I Actually Recommend
One song that belongs to the two of you. This is free, and it is the best thing on the list. Pick a song, sing it every single time you call, and sing it before anything else. It takes about three weeks for a toddler to recognise the opening line and start bouncing, and once that happens, you have a greeting that works even on the days the child will not say hello.
A pair of egg shakers, one set sent and one set kept. A small child cannot follow a conversation, but a small child can absolutely shake along with you. Send a set, keep a matching set on your own shelf, and you have a shared activity that costs a few dollars and works on any call.
Your voice, recorded. Record yourself singing three songs on your phone and send the file to the child’s parents. Grandparents tend to hate this idea and children tend to love it. I have had parents tell me the recording outlasted every toy that year, and one told me her daughter asked for Grandpa’s songs at bedtime for two solid years.
A real instrument, chosen for the age. A hand drum, a set of rhythm sticks, or a small in-tune glockenspiel will outlast anything with a battery compartment. I go through what works at each stage in my guide to musical gifts for toddlers, and the short version is that the child should make the sound, rather than press a button and watch a toy perform.
Something that shows up more than once. This is the one I would push hardest if the child lives far away, and I will declare my interest in a moment. A gift that shows up repeatedly turns you from a parcel at Christmas into a presence through the year.
TRY THIS AT HOME: On your next call, do not open with “what did you do today,” which most toddlers cannot answer. Open with your song, in the same silly voice, every time. Then hold up a shaker and give the child a turn. Ten seconds of shared rhythm reliably gets more out of a two-year-old than five minutes of questions, and it gives the parent a break from translating.
What I Would Skip
Anything that sings on the child’s behalf. The light-up musical tables and the character microphones look generous under a tree and tend to be exiled to a closet by February, and they have a quieter cost: when the toy is doing the singing, the grown-ups stop.
I would also skip buying by age label alone. A sturdy drum works from the first year into school age, while a lot of “3+” electronics have a shelf life of about a fortnight. If you want a stage-by-stage picture before choosing, my complete guide to music for toddlers breaks down what actually lands at each age.
And if the family is drowning in things, consider giving fewer. Toddlers play longer and more inventively with a small number of toys than with a big pile of them, which is worth remembering before you send the large box. If Christmas is the occasion, I kept a separate list of screen-free Christmas gifts for toddlers for exactly that reason.
Where Mailbox Melodies Fits
I make one of these, so read this section knowing that. Mailbox Melodies is $19 a month, and an envelope ships on the 15th with a CD of songs, a booklet of lyrics and movement games, stickers, sometimes a small craft, and a download code for the tracks. It is made for ages 0 to 6+.
A good number of our gift memberships come from grandparents, and they tend to buy it for a specific reason: the child’s name is on the envelope, and it turns up every month rather than once a year. Several grandparents have told me they keep the download code themselves so they can learn the same songs and sing them on the next call, which was not something I designed for and is now my favourite way anyone uses it.
It is not the right answer for every family. If the grandchildren already have a full instrument basket and a household that sings, save your money and send the shakers. And if you want to see how it compares to the other monthly options, I laid them out honestly in my guide to the best music subscriptions for kids.
THE MAILBOX MELODIES METHOD: Everything in the envelope is built to be done with somebody, which is why the booklet tells you what to do with each track rather than just printing the words. For a grandparent that is the whole point: the same songs, in two houses, so there is something to share on the call.
References
- Roche, E., Rocha-Hidalgo, J., Piper, D., Strouse, G. A., Neely, L. I., Ryu, J., Myers, L. J., McClure, E., Troseth, G. L., Zosh, J. M., & Barr, R. (2022). Presence at a distance: Video chat supports intergenerational sensitivity and positive infant affect during COVID-19. Infancy. Link
- Williams, K. E., Barrett, M. S., Welch, G. F., Abad, V., & Broughton, M. (2015). Associations between early shared music activities in the home and later child outcomes. Early Childhood Research Quarterly. Link
- Dauch, C., Imwalle, M., Ocasio, B., & Metz, A. E. (2018). The influence of the number of toys in the environment on toddlers’ play. Infant Behavior and Development. Link
Questions Grandparents Ask Me
What is a good musical gift for a grandchild I rarely see?
Something that repeats. A song you sing on every call, a recording of your own voice, or a music membership that ships every month all do more for the relationship than a single larger present, because they give the two of you a shared thing to come back to.
My grandchild is only a few months old. Is any of this too early?
No. Babies are listening long before they can join in, and a song sung on a call is one of the first things they will recognise. My music for babies guide covers what is actually going on at that stage.
Is a recording of my own singing really better than a professional one?
For your grandchild, usually yes. Familiar voices carry weight that a polished recording does not, and children are famously uninterested in whether you can hold a tune.
What if the parents have asked for no more toys?
Then this is easy, and they will thank you. Give the song, the recording, or a music membership, all of which take up no floor space. Research on toddler play suggests fewer toys leads to longer and more inventive play anyway.
Can I give a music membership as a gift without the parents having to set anything up?
Yes. Gift memberships are meant to be handed over ready to go, and ours is set up so an envelope ships on the 15th each month with the child’s name on it. You can see how that works on the gift page.
— Ms. Chelsea
Written by
Ms. Chelsea
Before starting Mailbox Melodies, Chelsea created Grape Jammers Music, a music education business in Napa, California, where she still teaches toddler music classes today. She has also taught preschool, is classically trained in voice, and has over 30 years of stage experience — including professional performances at Disneyland and SeaWorld. These days she writes and records the songs, draws the zines, and packs every envelope herself, and tries it all out on her own two little ones for inspiration.
Read Chelsea’s letter →How gifting works
A gift of music, every month
The same songs in two houses, with your grandchild’s name on the envelope every month.
Choose the gift
Pick 3, 6 or 12 months. At checkout you only enter your own billing details.
Print the gift ticket
It’s ready the moment you check out, gift code and all, so you have something real to hand over. We email you a copy too.
Choose how to redeem
Enter their details yourself or send them the code. Once it’s activated, an envelope with the child’s name on it ships on the 15th, every month you gave.
$57 for 3 months · $109 for 6 · $199 for 12
Choose a GiftScreen-free music mail for developing minds.
