Christmas Gifts for Grandchildren: What Parents Actually Want

In December the conversations after my Grape Jammers class start to change. Grandparents ask me what they should buy, and parents, a little more quietly, ask me how to tell the grandparents what to buy. Both sides want the same thing, which is a present that gets loved and doesn’t end up in the donation bag by March.

So this is the list parents tell me they wish they could hand over. It is about Christmas gifts for grandchildren that go under the tree and get opened with everyone in the room. If you are shopping for a grandchild who lives far away, I wrote a separate guide to musical gifts for grandchildren when you live far away, and the two work well together.

What Parents Actually Want from Grandparents

When I ask parents, the same handful of answers comes back every year, and they are refreshingly simple.

Fewer, better things. Most homes with small children are already full, and parents notice that one good present gets played with while a big pile gets scattered across the floor. There is research behind that feeling. When toddlers were given four toys instead of sixteen, they played with each toy for longer and found more different ways to use it (Dauch et al., 2018).

Something quieter. Parents are grateful for toys where the child makes the sound, like a drum, shakers or a xylophone, rather than toys that play the same tune at the press of a button. I wrote about the difference in my guide to the best musical gifts for toddlers.

Time with you. A trip to the zoo, a morning of baking or a ticket to a children’s concert is often the present a family talks about all year.

Something that keeps you in their year. A gift that shows up again in February, long after the tree is down, keeps a grandparent part of an ordinary week rather than only the big day.

To be asked. Almost every parent I talk to would rather be asked than surprised. More on how to ask below.

Christmas Gifts for Grandchildren by Age

Babies, Under 1

Babies need very little, so this is a lovely age for small, personal gifts. A board book with high-contrast pictures, a set of stacking cups, a soft egg shaker made for babies, or a recording of you reading their first book or singing a lullaby. Parents will play that recording more often than you would guess.

Toddlers, 1 to 3

Toddlers want to do things themselves. A hand drum or a pair of egg shakers, chunky board books, a push toy if the family has the room (ask first), or a simple music player they can work on their own. I compared the options in my guide to music boxes and music players for toddlers.

Preschoolers and Up, 3 to 6+

This is the age when a real, child-sized instrument starts to make sense, like a glockenspiel or, from about five, a ukulele. Art supplies with a promised afternoon of making something together, a class they have been wanting to try, or a new holiday tradition, like an ornament each year with their name and the date, also tend to last well beyond the season.

The Gift Only a Grandparent Can Give

There is one present no store can sell, and that is the songs and stories from your own childhood. The lullaby your mother sang to you, the silly counting rhyme from your school days, the carol your family always sang a little off-key. Children are fascinated by the idea that a grown-up was once small, and a song that has been in the family for sixty years carries that idea in a way they can feel.

You don’t need to be a singer for this. Write the words on a card and tuck it in with your present, or record yourself singing it on your phone and send it to the parents. In my classes, the songs children ask for over and over are often the plainest ones, sung by someone they love. If you want to make it a bigger gift, pair the song with a small instrument so they can play along, like a pair of shakers or a little drum.

Gifts That Keep You in the Picture All Year

The presents grandparents tell me they are proudest of are the ones that keep going after Christmas Day. A book you read together on every video call. A jar of handwritten notes, one to open each week. A standing date for pancakes the first Saturday of every month. Something that ships every month with the child’s name on it.

That last one is why so many of the gift memberships we send come from grandparents. A small child doesn’t think much about where a present came from, but a parent saying “this is from Grandma” every single month adds up over a year.

What to Skip, and How to Ask

A few presents reliably cause quiet sighs on Christmas morning. The biggest box in the store, especially if it needs floor space the family doesn’t have. Toys with a screen, unless the parents have asked for one. Clothes in the size the child is now, which they will grow out of by spring. And a duplicate of what the other set of grandparents is already giving, which a quick text can prevent.

Asking doesn’t have to spoil the surprise. Try asking the parents for three ideas, one larger, one small and one experience, and then choosing among them. Something like, “I’d love to give something you’ll be glad to have in the house. What’s on your list this year?” Most parents are relieved to be asked, and you get to choose.

If you are still looking for something that skips the plastic altogether, my list of screen-free Christmas gifts for toddlers has more ideas.

References

1. Dauch, C., Imwalle, M., Ocasio, B., & Metz, A. E. (2018). The influence of the number of toys in the environment on toddlers’ play. Infant Behavior and Development, 50, 78–87. Link
2. Chan, C., & Mogilner, C. (2017). Experiential gifts foster stronger social relationships than material gifts. Journal of Consumer Research, 43(6), 913–931. Link